when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize