Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
