I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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