I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
