Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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