I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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