i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
