Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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