now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize