He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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