Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
