): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
