like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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