He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
did you just send me my own nude
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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