We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
