wanna go halves on a baby?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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