She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
