Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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