So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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