she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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