its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
