She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do herpes really smell.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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