that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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