she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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