Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
