maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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