Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
