We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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