Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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