Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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