i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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