oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
