went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need to align my fucking chakras
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize