I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
