Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
