Well apparently he's into motor boating.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
