I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
