small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
