I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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