we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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