hotel room ftw
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
