Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
