You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
