My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
