I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
