my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
