dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
