if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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