Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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