While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
