anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
