I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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