My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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