According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
