so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
