Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
