Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
