when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
