I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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