I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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