I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BRING THE BAGELS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
