There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
