Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
