dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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