yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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