booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
