I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
