can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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