my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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